Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
