i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
