sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
