he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
