babies were throwing up all over the place
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
