Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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