Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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