that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
