Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
