i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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