WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
