i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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