Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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