i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
