woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
a search helicopter?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize