ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
