I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
