the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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