The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
