I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
