I want to have your abortion
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
