I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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