is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Someone came in the potted fern
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
