o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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