is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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