I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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