You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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