If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
