Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize