I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
