please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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