we're blogging at a bar
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
