you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
