I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
