Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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