Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
