see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
