i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
