If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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