Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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