Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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