somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
