Umm I'm too high to move.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
