i don't like sucking hair
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
