i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am one with the molecules
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
