just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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