How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
