Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
false alarm, still single
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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