I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
