He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
