you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
