it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Enjoy the penises
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize