Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
