Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
