oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
