I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
