i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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