Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Boobs speak an international language.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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