Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
