This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize