Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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