Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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