My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
