Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
