i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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